Mexico Presidential Candidate AMLO to Arm U.S. Border with Lucha Libre Fighters

NOGALES – Mexico Presidential front-runner Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador will deploy the country’s finest and fiercest Lucha Libre fighters to the northern border should U.S. President Donald Trump carry out his pledge to militarize the nations’ shared international boundary, the candidate known as AMLO said in a press conference on Wednesday.

“If the Gabachos are planning to send their best costumed men and women to defend the border, pues, so will we,” AMLO said. “Who is more intimidating, a bunch of 20-year olds in camouflage named Brett, Greg and Mitch, or El Santo, Blue Demon, Mil Máscaras and Rey Misterio?”
The combative rhetoric is the latest retaliatory jab from Mexico in a week that has featured yet another flurry of Twitter idiot babble instigated by the Fanta-flavored U.S. Commander in Chief. In the first two days following the resurrection of Christ holiday, a clearly enlightened Trump insisted that Mexico stop a Honduran caravan of migrants, threatened a “nuclear option” to improve border security, ruled the DACA immigration policy dead and yesterday announced plans to militarize the U.S. border with Mexico.

AMLO, whose original response to Trump’s militarization threat was to form a human peace chain dressed in white along the border, said he – on the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr’s death – “had a dream” last night about how Lucha Libre wrestlers could neutralize the gringo threat.

“I have a dream that one day, Mexican Lucha Libre boys and Mexican Lucha Libre girls will be able join hands across the border with U.S. military girls and U.S. military boys not as Americans and Mexicans, but as sisters and brothers,” AMLO said, in his best evangelical preacher cadence. “I have a dream we will attack these recent injustices from the top turnbuckle, and jump down upon oppression and racism with our best finisher move. It’s time to smash these border disputes over the head with a conveniently placed ringside table and hook the leg for the pin.”

AMLO and his advisory team are planning to attend the Arena Mexico fights in Mexico City on Friday night to recruit the country’s best male, female and even midget Luchadores in case the U.S. follows through on their plan to militarize the border, he said.

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