Costa Rica Ranked Best Place to Run Away from Checkered Past, Study Finds

The Central American nation of Costa Rica is the world’s best place to flee when trying to escape criminal charges, tax evasion, crippling drug addictions, or overall creepy shit you wouldn’t even write in your own diary, a recent study found.

Long considered a refuge for foreigners trying to leave baggage behind and outrun their demons, Costa Rica beat out Thailand, Colombia and Mexico to earn the top ranking as the world’s best hideout for felons, adulterers, junkies and delinquents in 2020, according to a study conducted by think-tank On The Lam International. The annual study found that foreigners in Costa Rica are most likely to change their names, alter their physical appearance with an ill-conceived tattoo or piercing, and stare off into space for minutes at a time lost in thought about previous atrocities committed.

Chet Chifrijo hitchhiking in Nicoya Peninsula.

“My real name’s Ryan but since moving here I go by Chet Chifrijo,” said a boozy Ryan-Chet Chifrijo, who sells uppers in the popular beach town of Santa Teresa and recently got a neck tattoo of a sloth. “I moved here from New Jersey after they issued an arrest warrant for my links to…Wait, is this on the record?”

President Carlos Alvarado said Monday that he was pleased Costa Rica earned the top spot and that he hopes the country continues to be a safe haven for burned out veterans, absentee parents, soul-dead prostitute seekers and people who stay up at night dealing with disquieting regret. 

“We’re happy to be seen as a place that offers a second chance for people who’ve taken a wrong turn,” Alvarado said. “So if you see a new gringo in town that’s chain-smoking and nervously looking from side to side, make them feel welcome. Also maybe call Interpol.”

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