“Read my lips: No New Street Names” José María Figueres, a presidential hopeful for 2022, assured Costa Ricans on Monday that he has no plans to change the country’s highly efficient address system, an announcement celebrated by attendees of the press conference held 80 meters north and 25 meters east of the Musmanni bakery in…
Latinos pissed, aggressively emphasize America not a country A New York Penthouse — For years, Latinos have insisted that they are also “Americans.” Now, US President Donald Trump plans to fine them each time they use the term. Latin-Americans have well-known fury from being excluded from the “American” membership. Each time a US citizen identifies as…
Incessant complaints give International Court judges chronic migraines Puntarenas – This morning, four men were rescued from a drifting dinghy and rushed to the Max Terán Valls Hospital to be treated for heat stroke and dehydration. They identified themselves as rangers from the Isla de Coco National Park, and gave an unusual account of being…
Entire country caught in temporal loop scientist reports SAN JOSÉ — Two weeks ago, at the International Court of Justice in The Hague, Costa Rica filed a complaint against Nicaragua regarding the military occupation of Isla Calero. At about the same time, the government closed the ill-famed Platina, the bridge spanning the Virilla River, with promises…
Year leaves suicide note, apologizes for collapse of mankind BROOKLYN — Fearing further political upheaval, unimaginable deaths and overall human decay during the final three weeks of the year, 2016 was found hanging this morning in its studio apartment in Williamsburg. It was 347 days old. “Trump, Brexit, Gene Wilder, Zika, David Fucking Bowie,” 2016…
Sacrifice refuses to throw himself into the crater HEREDIA — Eruptions from the Turrialba Volcano continued Thursday afternoon, spewing even more ash into the air. The explosion is the most recent in the increasingly violent activity from the volcano. Scientists are concerned that if preventative measures are not taken soon, the entire central valley will become covered…
San Jose’s “Gringo Gulch” and Jacó rated as world’s best spots to be an anonymous expat sleaze ball with no repercussions SAN JOSE – Traffic slowed to a halt in downtown San José today as drunk and slovenly dressed gringos took to the street to celebrate Costa Rica’s designation by think-tank Transient International as the world’s…
Study reveals “What goes in doesn’t always come out” San Jose — After decades of assumptions and rumors, the Costa Rican Medical Association (CRMA) confirmed last week what locals here had long concluded: There is no scientific evidence to confirm that Costa Rican women, or Ticas, defecate. The study, which was carried out over the course…
HAVANA _ Cuba’s famed communist revolutionary leader Fidel Castro made his first public appearance in months yesterday and shocked the world with a surprise announcement: he’s getting back into the film industry. Castro, who appeared as an extra in the 1946 films Holiday in Mexico and Easy to Wed, announced yesterday that he will return to the…
MEXICO CITY — Former Mexican President Vicente Fox announced today that he has a rare disorder known as “Trump Induced Tourette’s Syndrome,” or TITS, in which every time he hears the name or sees an image of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, he involuntarily screams vulgarities and suffers mild convulsions. “The condition was originally diagnosed by…
El Pejibaye 