Gringo Unable to Comprehend Reflexive Verbs Attempts Suicide in Costa Rica

TAMARINDO, COSTA RICA – Leonard Palmer’s mission to learn Spanish in Costa Rica ended tragically on Monday when the 37-year-old Tempe, Arizona native jumped off a bridge after losing his mind trying to understand reflexive verbs. Palmer, who had high hopes when he moved to Costa Rica to learn Spanish in January, was advancing in…

2016 Hangs Self Ahead of Holiday Season to End Misery

Year leaves suicide note, apologizes for collapse of mankind BROOKLYN — Fearing further political upheaval, unimaginable deaths and overall human decay during the final three weeks of the year, 2016 was found hanging this morning in its studio apartment in Williamsburg. It was 347 days old. “Trump, Brexit, Gene Wilder, Zika, David Fucking Bowie,” 2016…