Bottomless Costa Rican Pothole Could Be Time Travel Portal

Stephen Hawking among physicists in Costa Rica to investigate potential intra-universe wormhole CURRIDABAT – San Jose will host an emergency physicist conference this week to investigate a mysterious Avenida 2 pothole that could potentially prove Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Top physicists from around the globe will convene to investigate the bizarre phenomenon that was…

Mae of the Week: January 6

This week’s M.O.T.W. is Costa Rican presidential candidate Johnny Araya. Johnny is from San José and lives in 1982 with his parents. In that year in Costa Rica, milk cost ₡200 (US$0.40) and it was still cool to skip presidential debates. In his spare time, Johnny likes to “hit the clubs” and make false promises. He…

Mae of the Week: December 30

This week’s M.O.T.W. is Denis Echandi of Paraiso, Cartago. Echandi, 56, lives with his younger sister and has a part-time job painting tacos and hamburgers on the exterior walls of sodas around Cartago. He enjoys day drinking until he falls asleep in public and harassing guilas when they walk by him on the street. He thinks he…

Lottery Winner Stiffed As Gordo Navideño Admits He’s Bulimic

Most of 2013 winnings went down toilet, lottery organizers say SAN JOSE – Guadelupe Martinez became the latest lottery winner to fall into depression when she learned this week that her anticipated jackpot winnings were lost due to Gordo Navideño’s rampant – and no longer secret – bulimia problem. Martinez, who won the ¢1.2 million Gordo…

Mae of the Week: December 23

This week’s M.O.T.W. is Daniel Smith. Smith, a self-proclaimed ‘Gringo-Tico’ after his 1.5 years in Costa Rica, loves to complain about everything that is different from the U.S. while maintaining no desire to ever return. Having lived in Costa Rica for 18 months illegally, Smith has never made a ‘visa run’ due to his legally…

Johnny Araya Costa Rica’s Fattest Presidential Candidate, Poll Shows

Also voted candidate most resembling Simpsons Mayor Quimby SAN JOSE – Presidential frontrunner Johnny Araya is unquestionably Costa Rica’s fattest presidential candidate, according to a Unimer poll released this week. A resounding 98% of pollsters found Araya to be the most overfed of the country’s candidates, while also voting the San Jose mayor as the…

Coaches Assure Unwatchable Soccer in La Liga-Heredia Final

Any goals would be considered “Christmas miracle’’ HEREDIA – After zero goals were scored in a hideous display of appalling soccer in the first leg of the championship match between Alajuela’s La Liga and Club Sport Herediano, coaches from both teams promised fans that Sunday’s final will be equally pathetic. “Our only chance of scoring…

Tourist Dies Outside CIMA Hospital As Taxista Couldn’t Make Change

Dutch visitor wasn’t carrying any bills smaller than 10,000 colones ESCAZU – A Dutch tourist died outside CIMA hospital yesterday when his taxi driver was unable to make correct change for a 10,000 colones bill. Niels Van Vliet, 56, was rushed to the hospital by taxi after experiencing chest pains during a mountain bike excursion in the Central…