NEW YORK – Fox News is preparing to offer rapper Kendrick Lamar a lucrative reporting contract as soon as this afternoon in hopes to finally land a Pulitzer winner on staff and take steps to be “a less overtly racist and tone-deaf” news agency, according to three sources close to the talks, citing an internal…
TURRIALBA – Randy and Candy Wiggins died Tuesday afternoon when the couple’s parachute failed to deploy during a skydive that was intended to reveal the gender of their child to be. The Billings, Montana-based couple traveled to Costa Rica this week to leap from 12,000 feet above the rural mountain town in hopes of performing…
CIUDAD DE MÉXICO – México tiró la toalla y cogió una escoba después del humillante fracaso del Club América ante el Toronto FC en la semifinal de la Liga de Campeones de la CONCACAF el martes por la noche, partido que marcó la muerte de la legendaria tradición futbolística del país. Después de la derrota…
MEXICO CITY — Mexico is throwing in the towel — and picking up a broom — after Club America’s humiliating defeat to Toronto FC in the CONCACAF Champions League semi-final Tuesday night signaled the death of the country’s storied soccer tradition. After the 4-2 aggregate defeat, club officials for the Mexico City-based team said the…
WASHINGTON D.C. – Las negociaciones del TLCAN entre los Estados Unidos, Canadá y México probablemente concluyan cuando la humanidad deje de existir o cuando los extraterrestres invadan y generen unidad entre los humanos, según dos fuentes con conocimiento directo de las conversaciones trilaterales. A pesar de reportes de medios de noticias internacionales, los cuales se…
WASHINGTON D.C. – NAFTA negotiations between the U.S., Canada and Mexico will likely only conclude when mankind ceases to exist or if extraterrestrial raids breed unity among humans that leads to the dissolution of international borders, according to two sources with direct knowledge of the trilateral talks. Despite international news outlets tripping over themselves to…
MEXICO CITY – Australian backpacker Oliver Ryan has been thrilled to discover that, despite being mediocre looking in his native country, is seen as a steamy heartthrob in Latin America. Ryan, who has pasty white skin, pale blue eyes and is of average height in Australia, has been ecstatic to find during his travels that…
CHICAGO – Parker Niederman bumped into six people on his walk to work this morning as he chatted with friends and reviewed last night’s Major League Baseball scores, according to eye witnesses. Niederman, who lives in the Chicago suburb of Schaumburg, only looked up from his phone at crosswalks as he weaved through pedestrians on…
NOSARA – U.S. resident Craig Johnson and Costa Rican Evelyn Suarez ended their marriage yesterday after a year-long argument over the number of world continents was unable to be resolved in an amicable fashion, according to the couple’s divorce documentation. Johnson, a 31-year old Omaha native, and Suarez, a 26-year old from Cartago, met two…
NOGALES – El candidato presidencial de México Andrés Manuel López Obrador dijo que desplegará los mejores y más feroces combatientes de la Lucha Libre en la frontera norte si el presidente estadounidense Donald Trump cumple su promesa de militarizar el límite internacional entre las dos naciones. “Si los Gabachos están planeando enviar a sus mejores…
El Pejibaye 