Despite 3 months of shacking up with Puerto Viejo Rastas, not assumed Latina
PUERTO VIEJO — After three months living the dream of a Puerto Viejo beach bum, 21-year-old Brit Francesca Wagstaff was utterly insulted when she was identified as a native English speaker on a local bus last week.
The Durham University graduate, whose blog Not all Wanderers are Lost offers great insights into the mind of the painfully unoriginal, was en route to Panama for a border run when the incident occurred.
“It’s bad enough that I had to stand for the whole ride and one mae simultaneously groped me with a leg of fried chicken as he spilled his rondón on me,” Wagstaff blogged in a new entry entitled “OMG! #icanteven.” “But what happened next got me soooo pissed off. For realsies!”
At a stop, while Francesca was trying to vibe out to some Manu Chao, a Tico shimmied past her and knocked her headphones out. As he picked them up and handed her phone back, he said “excuse me” in English, shattering Wagstaff’s illusions of being the Latina goddess Octavio, her regular weed dealer, had insisted she was.
“Why did he just assume I was an English speaker?” she wrote while fetching sun block from her fanny pack. “I’ve been in Central America for 3 months now and I’m like TOTES immersed in the culture. Locals always smile when I share blunts with them, and the barmen at Johnny’s know my Cuba Libre and shot of Chili Guaro order by heart #yosoyoneofyou.”
Infuriated, Francesca called the man a “wanker” as he passed, which Juan Carlos didn’t really understand as an insult, having been a Juan-Ca his entire life.
Now back in the UK, Wagstaff said she won’t be phased by the encounter, and bragged about how frequently she’d been complimented for ability to roll her Rs. Papi, owner of Love Mi White Oohman Hostel, and now Francesca’s long-distance boyfriend, instilled the utmost confidence in her when he told her that she was “practically Latina” after her competent pronunciation of the word gracias and several pregnancy scares.