Yoga pants are the future, not technology, Chinchilla says
HEREDIA – Days after Intel Corp. announced it would pull the majority of its operations from Costa Rica, the country inked a deal with Lululemon in an effort to become the world’s premier producer of unreasonably tight yoga pants, President Laura Chinchilla said.
“Technology is a relic of the past,” Chinchilla told reporters as she donned Costa Rica-themed red, white and blue yoga pants and a shirt that read Namaste. “Lululemon pants are totally trending and we, as a nation, need to keep up with what is unquestionably the wave of the future.”
Once Intel exits its Heredia-based location, Lululemon will immediately move in to begin mass production of the you-can-see-everything sheer exercise pants. Given the exorbitant amount of Yoga-themed tourism and people that wear obscenely tight clothing in Costa Rica, demand for the quasi pornographic pants is expected to skyrocket and fill any financial holes left from Intel’s exit, Chinchilla said.
“Practically every beach in our country has a yoga epidemic of dreadlocked expat hippies offering classes,” she said. “If we can sell overpriced yoga pants to tourists, women aged 15-70 and Ashtanga yogis, we should be able to compensate any losses from Intel in no time.”
Chinchilla said being known as the happiest country in the world and the country with the highest per capita amount of skin tight yoga pants will likely trigger a tourism boom. Lululemon production will also encourage exercise and improved fitness, as no one with any body mass should dare wear them in public, she said.
“While microchips provide connectivity to the internet, yoga provides connectivity to the soul,’’ she said. “Ask yourself: Which is more important to a high standard of living, billions of dollars or heightened self-awareness?’’