Mexico’s Pena Nieto Mistakes Stephen Harper for Polar Bear

“I never see nothing so big and white before”

HarperMEXICO CITY — Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto mistook Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper for a polar bear yesterday during a meeting between the two heads of state to discuss North American collaboration at Mexico’s Los Pinos Presidential Palace.

When Harper stepped off of his presidential plane yesterday, the diminutive Pena Nieto, who suffers from arkoudaphobia, or fear of bears, shrieked and hid behind Foreign Secretary José Antonio Meade. He then began yelling “Shoot it! Shoot it!” to members of the Mexican military on site.

“I see on TV that polar bears are big, white and make funny noises,” Pena Nieto said in his below-average English. “I never hear an English accent like dat before so I assume it was polar bear sent from cold place to eat me.”

Pena Nieto’s nerves were calmed by Meade, who assured Pena Nieto that Harper was an affable, generally boring man who, like most Canadians, wouldn’t hurt a fly and consumes a primarily maple syrup and berry-based diet. After the two leaders shook hands, however, Pena Nieto was again spooked when Harper said he was ready to “eat some delicious comida Mexicana.”

Pena Nieto was visibly unnerved by Harper and his usually immovable hair became disheveled while he sweated and stammered through his purposeless speech. He was also repeatedly seen pausing during the speech to mouth at Harper “please don’t eat me.”

Harper, in true Canadian fashion, was unfazed by Pena Nieto’s reaction and said it gave him a hearty chuckle.

“Polar bears are generally very loveable, so I sort of considered it a compliment,” Harper said, as he dipped his paw in a bowl of honey-flavored poutine. “To be honest, I thought he was a Chihuahua in a suit. I was happy to find out he wasn’t, as I hate little, yippy perritos.”

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